A formal apology

Hey all, this is a long time in the making, but now that I am in the process of resolving past issues i feel it's appropriate to discuss it now rather than later. In recent months a few websites and google drives have appeared, claiming many many things about me, and I wish to address the truth, and draw a fine line between what has and hasn't happened, and everything in between.

I have done some extremely shameful things in both my past and in recent months, and I have zero excuses for any of it. I have resolved things with charlie, the creator of bryn.chxr.uk and wish to clear everything up. Yes, I called people the n-word, yes I told someone to kill themselves on multiple occasions. I even posted someone's information on my telegram channel once in a fit of rage. I won't deny any of those things, and I claim full responsibility. However I wish to explain what I may have been thinking when doing these things.

Sometimes when I get distressed, either from an autistic meltdown, suspected bpd or just because I'm having a bad day. I say and/or do the worst possible thing that could come to mind because I want the individual to feel the same amount of pain and emotion that i feel. Sometimes this leads to me saying things that I later regret. I am only thankful that the people involved are still alive and well.

I feel that in recent years i've grown de-sensitised to horrible things, due to being exposed to all of it at such a young age. I admit I even had a gore addiction at one point, which lead to me sending it to people. I have been taking a step back from engaging in the techtok community and silently uploading drafts, not to avoid the situation but to give myself time to think. I believe there are many areas where I need to improve. So as the first step towards that I am writing this.

I will not excuse a single thing I have done.

I am taking other steps to improve myself too. I've been seeing a mental health professional who has been helping me through these feelings. I have been put on antidepressants and antipsychotics to deal with the strong emotions.

All I ask is that everyone can give me a chance to work on myself and be a better person with time and as I unlock new chapters of my life.

Thank you.